Max Out Happy

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

by whitney

This is a dang PEP TALK today y’all. We deserve it.

I know I write a lot on here about products, clothes, makeup, etc., but one of my biggest passions is taking care of ourselves and each other. The world needs more kindness, more understanding, more cheering each other on. We are hard enough on ourselves; wouldn’t it be refreshing if we could just lean into all of the parts of ourselves and embrace them? Instead of wishing we have what someone else has, or wishing we could look the way someone else looks, what if we just celebrated the fact that we all have something unique to offer, and that we all have different talents to give?

Comparison is something I have struggled with a lot as a woman, an adult, a professional, a wife, and especially now as a mom. I’m honestly just really tired of it. I have been “should”-ing all over myself for as long as I can remember. Does anyone else “should” yourself all day long? “I should have done the dishes,” “I should work out more often,” “I should have gotten more done today,” “I should be doing more creative activities with Davis like all the ‘good’ moms,” it just goes on and on until you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and like you’ll never be able to meet all the demands. And the truth is, they’re mostly demands you’ve put on yourself – so shifting the conversation is important. What you “should” do is what you are capable of, what feels right to you, what you believe in, and what you have the mental space for. What we should ALL do is hype each other up, be there when others fall, and stop assuming anyone else has it better or worse than we do.

Social media can be so toxic for comparing your life to the carefully curated feeds of others. I love following accounts that keep it real and show the good, the bad, and the ugly. I love to know that other people are struggling with the same issues as me, or that no one is actually able to keep their house pristine all of the time, especially with pets and children. Let me promise you that everyone you think is “perfect” is far from it. I have to remind myself of that all the time. We all battle with our own things. Someone with a perfect house might have a difficult marriage. Someone with a great marriage might have a strained family situation or be struggling financially. Someone with a “perfect” body might have disordered eating and struggle with body image. What we see is only a glimpse of what others are allowing to be put out there.

I promise to always keep it real. I am definitely struggling sometimes! As a super Type A person, it has been a FIGHT for me to realize that I simply can’t get everything done with a busy toddler. The dishes, the laundry, the organizing and tidying, things I used to do for myself to feel sane – it all has to wait because Davis comes first. And that’s okay! But it’s something I’ve had to realize and work through as a person who likes to feel “put together.” One of my favorite accounts to follow on instagram is @emily.the.mom.next.door. She is from Asheville like me! She had two babies under two, and then the pandemic came. She has been a really great place of relief for me because her mom content and honesty is always so on point. I’ll share some of my favorite accounts in my stories sometime this week – so many great accounts out there that are relatable for women, uplifting, and just feel real.

Be easy on yourself. Have the constant pep talks with yourself. YOU are beautiful, worthy, and deserving of success and happiness, no matter what season of life or size pants you are in. You are beautifully made and perfect just the way you are, right now. If you have things you want to improve on, that’s great! Join the dang club! But never put yourself down while you’re trying to pull yourself up, because it just won’t work that way. You have just the piece others are looking for to finish their puzzle, whether it’s in life, in love, at work, with your children, or whatever the scenario may be. We only have whatever time we are given on this earth, and I am tired of wading through it thinking I’m not good enough. Who’s with me? There is a whole girl gang out there lifting each other up with confidence and love, and I am here for it. Let’s all pledge membership and be each other’s biggest fans. In the meantime, make sure you’re rooting for yourself, as well.

Is This Thing On?

by whitney

I’m STILL here!

Max Out Happy has a whole new look, but hopefully the same ol’ vibe. Whitney spent a whole day taking pictures with me for the new site and for future posts – I am so excited to get rolling again! We were able to rent the cutest airbnb in downtown Fuquay for our photo session. It was the original downtown Fuquay Varina library! My brother spent his free time implementing the new theme for the site and making it look the way I wanted (and I am not super patient when I want something to be done already, so I know I was a pill). This is a place that I feel like I’ve been missing over the last year or so, especially as I feel like I have finally gotten a grip on handling having a baby (now that Davis is almost a year and a half old, haha!). So, I wanted a fresh look and a fresh start!

Max Out Happy started out as a space where I wanted to be creative and express myself (see my first post here). However, as we all know, life gets in the way sometimes – and with marriage, a new home, a baby, teaching full-time, and then a global pandemic, writing for fun took a backseat and the blog just kind of sat here. I had canceled my renewal for 2021 and then something deep down said revive her!

When Whitney was taking pictures for my new personal branding photos, she asked me what kind of vibe I was going for. I said, “You know, just happy and casual, like I’m their friend” – and that may sound silly, but that’s truly what I hope this blog feels like. When I think about what I really want Max Out Happy to feel like, that has never changed since day one: I want this to be a place of authenticity, optimism, and compassion. I always want to keep it real, but I also love to find the beauty in the world and celebrate the little things because there’s already so much ugly we have to deal with in life.

So, here we go! I’m picking it back up yet again! I’ll be writing whatever comes to my mind, whenever I have some free time, without putting any pressure on myself. Read if you like it, and move on if you don’t. I promise to bring you more chats about life, teacher thoughts, outfits, makeup, products I love, recipes, and everything in between. Let’s promise to Max Out Happy in 2021. We could all use a bright place these days!

Waiting on the World to Change

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(A little John Mayer song title reference for you there). I haven’t written in so long, and throughout the pandemic I keep saying to myself, “I really need to journal,” but I somehow never find the time. Today my anxiety and stress pushed me right upstairs and in front of my laptop.

I’ve been thinking today about the book The Things They Carried – did anyone else have to read that one in high school? It is several short stories set during the Vietnam War, but I have been thinking about all of the things we carry and how heavy that load can become. Four years ago when Andrew lost his dad, I referenced the phrase “heavy boots,” another term that I stole from a book (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)…and today, my boots feel heavy. I’m sure that with everything going on in the world, many of yours do, too.

There is always a lot to be thankful for, but there is an overwhelming and endless stream of information, opinions that I do and don’t agree with, conflicting stories from trusted resources, and it seems like more bad news comes at every turn. Women are having their OB appointments and delivering babies without their birth partners. Adults and children are stuck in homes that are not safe for them. People are going hungry. Children have been out of school buildings for months. Teachers are trying to grapple with how to educate their students from home and dealing with all of the crazy possibilities for school coming in just a few short weeks. Lives and livelihoods have been lost, and on top of that, there is an election coming in November that will determine huge things for our country in either direction, and the nation is so divided. People are f i n a l l y fighting for racial equity, among other BASIC human rights, but look what extreme measures and tragedies it took for only SOME of us to come together and fight for what’s right? With all of this – the pandemic, the election, the fight for racial justice – there are polarizing debates every time I go online and it is heavy to carry. Please understand that I am not saying it isn’t worth its weight, or that it is somehow heavier for me than for anyone else; that is not what I’m saying at all. We all carry different things, and we all carry them in our own way; the things I carry are not the same as yours, and vice versa, so it doesn’t work to sit around and compare weight.

We are carrying a lot. I am incredibly thankful for my life and I feel truly blessed, but it has been a lot. I know everyone has their own version of that story, and I also know that some have it much worse than I do – I am not here to complain, but to say that I SEE YOU. I see you mamas who are working a full-time job while being a full-time care provider and parent to your children, even if you have a partner. I see you women hustling for your jobs or your businesses and trying to make things work when business is not coming in. I see you people who have had to put important decisions on hold for months because of the current world situation. I see those of you who are missing family and friends, or who have had to miss huge milestones with those you love due to Covid-19. I see those of you fighting and demanding that we do better for future generations. I see all of you who just need a BREAK (which is probably all of us!). I know many of you also had to take on the role of teacher while your children tried to tackle remote learning. Some people have been unable to work or receive a paycheck, and many people have lost someone they loved. I see you. I see how hard you are trying to carry your load with your heavy boots making one step, and then, somehow, another.

Today, I got the news that a really special person in our school lost her fight against cancer, and everything just kind of came at me all at once. So I started rattling off my list to myself of what makes me feel better when I am down, anxious, or stressed out – because today I was all of those things. The things that always work for me are getting outside, walking, exercise, listening to music and singing, taking a relaxing bath, reading to get out of my own head, and, as always, writing. So I walked outside, I exercised, I drove around a little with the music blasting, and then I came upstairs to write. We all have different ways to help ease our feelings when they get too heavy to carry. We have to take care of ourselves or else we will see the effects for a long time to come.

Stress affects so much more than just our moods – it is closely intertwined with our blood pressure, our central nervous system, our hormones, our sleep, our weight…so many major body functions. I hope you find something that works for you, that will help lighten your load. If my list doesn’t work for you, make up a list for yourself that does. This is a stressful time, and it is okay for us to admit that we are not okay all the time, that we need a break, that we need to be alone for a minute, that we need to do whatever it is we need to do to feel like ourselves again. Things are not normal, so how can we be? Many of us are carrying a lot more than we are used to.

I encourage you to find your list – what things help you lighten the load of the things you’re carrying?

P.S. I forgot to add my new favorite way to de-stress…hugging my sweet boy close and getting those good baby snuggles when he lets me 🙂 (I’m talking about Davis, not Andrew…but he’s usually good for a hug, too!)

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