Max Out Happy

Back to School Feelings

In just a couple of weeks, we’ll be heading back to school. I’m having a LOT of mixed feelings about it. Everyone keeps asking if we’re excited and ready, and my answer is, “it’s complicated.” 2020 was supposed to be the best year of my life: Welcoming our first baby into the world, taking some time off from work, and then finishing out the school year before summer break – but right after Davis was born, Covid-19 made it into the U.S. and schools started closing across the entire world. Everything has been messed up and different for so long that the idea of going back to school is really unsettling for me. No one knows what it’s going to look like or what to expect, and I’m someone who likes to know what’s coming. I think we all are, to a certain extent.

In the past year and a half, so much of our guidance has changed. Teachers are stretched thinner than ever, and more and more keeps piling on us. We have been unable to do our jobs well and keep children as safe as we need to. Meanwhile, we worry about our own children and families at home while we work in a large population every day. We are trying to teach children at home and in person at the same time. It’s impossible. Relationship building with students has become more difficult than ever. Our in-person students are even more addicted to their phones, so teaching feels like a joke at times. I don’t know if this is true for younger grades, but I teach high school, and it has been unreal.

My anxiety went through the roof last school year, along with everyone else’s. I couldn’t access any of my favorite things about my career. I love the pace of the classroom: Walking around and checking on my students, sitting next to them while they work, speaking to each of them as they walk in. Conversations with colleagues in the hall or the workroom keep us sane during the day. With virtual teaching, there was of course none of that – but even when students returned to the building, it was so strange and difficult. The end of the school year couldn’t come fast enough.

Of course I realize that parents are also stressed and stretched thin. We all are! But teachers are parents, too. And we are helping other children in addition to our own. I don’t say that to say teachers have it harder than anyone else, but to shed light that we are dealing with the same things everyone else is.

There is no perfect answer, but it got really disheartening constantly hearing people badmouth teachers throughout the last school year. We were doing our jobs. We were working just as hard as we ever did before. Many of us spent hours transferring lessons and documents to an online format. We worked hard to make things smoother for our students, recording videos, and checking in through messaging apps. I made myself extra available and sent newsletters home every couple of weeks. To hear that parents thought we were doing nothing and collecting a paycheck was such a slap in the face. And there was A LOT of that going around. Of course there are bad teachers – there have always been bad teachers. But there are also bad doctors, project managers, business owners, and everything elses out there in the world.

I have written about mental health and taking care of ourselves a ton on the blog, most specifically in this post. Students are experiencing anxiety and depression at higher rates than ever before; so are all of the adults that take care of them. As soon as we felt a sliver of normalcy with vaccines and the slowing of the virus spread, the new Delta variant came. Now everything seems like it is backtracking again. I have always loved my job, and I do still have hope. Y’all know I believe in hope and positivity, but the last year and a half has made it difficult to be optimistic. I wish there was a little more time between the last school year and this one, but here we are.

One good thing amidst all of this craziness is that we are moving back into our real school, which has been totally rebuilt. It’s definitely exciting to be moving into a beautiful, brand new school building. However, even that has its stressors! Settling in, making a new home in your classroom, learning the building, helping students find everything. But I’m really excited to do all of those things, even though it brings a little bit of stress to the table.

As we head back to school, I am wishing all my teacher friends out there the strength and hope they need to make it through those first couple of weeks. I’m also wishing all the parents that same strength and hope – we all need it. We have done this before, and we’ll navigate as we go. I still believe in us, I still believe in our kids, and I do believe that things will improve.

I won’t throw all the annoying buzzwords from the last year and a half at you, like “grace,” “new normal,” “unprecedented,” etc. BUT I do think that since we have to do it, we will. It’s our only choice. And I think it’s okay for that to be the reality right now. So get out there, grab yourself a nice planner to keep everything organized, find an outfit (and mask) you feel good in, and just do the dang thing.

The Pandemic Babies

by whitney

This post has been in my drafts for a long time, and I wanted to finally finish it out and give it a home on the internet. I saw a post early on in the pandemic about how insulting and disrespectful it was to call babies conceived or born during 2020 “pandemic babies,” but I have called Davis that on my own since the pandemic hit last spring. For me, it was a way to keep things light as I mourned the idea of what I thought my son’s first year of life would be like. I know that sounds dramatic, and we have been truly blessed in so many ways, but it has been very different raising our first child than I ever could have imagined. For instance, when your one-year-old’s idea of a good time is playing with the forehead digital thermometer and rolling around in the dog bed like a dog, you kind of ask yourself if these things are normal or if they’re a by-product of his circumstances! During my pregnancy, I imagined taking him places, showing him off, bringing him to school to meet everyone…but none of those things were possible. Even seeing family was hard to do, and we avoided it for a while because there was so much uncertainty. We had his first birthday party at home by ourselves on a Zoom call with our family. Like I said, I know it could be worse, but these were the things I struggled with on top of being a first time mom and adjusting to a whole new life.

Davis lived with just us and our 3 dogs for the first several months of his life. He was born in January, so thankfully he did get to meet all of his grandparents before everything shut down, but it happened quickly. I can’t even imagine being one of the women who had to give birth alone, or who couldn’t even have one visitor in the hospital as a brand new mother. Mentally I don’t know how I could have handled that, especially because Davis spent his first four days in the NICU. Once all the shut downs happened, we did eventually see close family, but when we did, it was with stress, fear, and guilt. Do we wear a mask? Do we ask what everyone’s exposure has been? What if we expose them? What if they expose us? Are we being irresponsible? Our child care plans changed, as well as work, life, family adjustment…all of these things are difficult with any new baby, but especially a first baby. Throw in having a newborn, the first baby, a global pandemic, and both spouses teaching online…I was at a loss. It was hard, but of course I knew it was hard for everyone. Our story is not unique or different from many other new parents’ stories, and many others had it much worse than we did and had huge losses of life, livelihood, or well-being. With all of our hardships, we have been blessed to be able to spend so much time with Davis, especially at the beginning of his life when I don’t think I would have been ready to go back to work full-time. For that, I’ll always be grateful!

Davis still has several family members he hasn’t met because of Covid. He hasn’t even been able to see his pediatrician’s face! He is so used to masks that he thinks it’s a game to try to pull them off your face. All of these things are different than I thought they’d be, but they’re our only experiences, our only memories. We don’t get another chance on Davis; this is it. There are a lot of things that can go wrong, and trust me, we have had our share along with the rest of the world – but there is so much to be grateful for. At the end of the day, if your baby is a “pandemic baby,” and if you feel offended, okay with, or indifferent to that, then you’re still normal. We have never done this before as a society in our time. We are all navigating new waters. It’s okay to be sad about what you may have lost, but there has been a lot we have gained, as well.

This one’s for all the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and loved ones of the pandemic babies. And if your child thinks he or she is a dog, too…join the club 🙂

Summer Bucket List

I mentioned in my summer must haves post that my friend Emily does a summer bucket list with her kids every year. I loved that idea and decided to do one for myself this summer! Davis is too young to tell me what he’d like to do, but I have a pretty good idea that he’d like to play, get in the water, and be outside. I can manage that list for him 🙂 and I’ve added some things for myself, as well!

I’ve mentioned a bunch of times that exercise really makes me feel better mentally as much as it does physically. I was so exhausted and burned out from this year of teaching that I was having a hard time motivating myself to move when school was in session. Now that it’s summer, I have the time to exercise, and one week in, I’m already feeling SO much better. It manages my stress and anxiety, and of course releases endorphins to help me have better days. On top of that, I know it’s keeping me strong so I can play with Davis and live a longer and healthier life. I put this as my number one because it makes such a difference for me!

Most of the other items on this list are pretty self-explanatory, but number 3 is really exciting for me. I told Andrew I would love to build an office inside our closet in the playroom upstairs. It’s a room that we currently have a desk and filing cabinet in, but it also doubles as a playroom for Davis and a place where guests can stay on the pull-out couch. If we have another baby, we’ll lose our guest room, and then the playroom will become the only place for guests – so I’m thinking ahead and trying to maximize space usage! Of course I started pinning away; here is all of my cloffice inspiration. We have a double door closet in that room and I love a small space. I’ll probably need Andrew’s help on this project, but I’m really excited about it.

source

The Scoop at Willow Oak Farms is a cute new ice cream place really close to our house. It’s on a farm and it has a playground, picnic tables with umbrellas, baby goats, and great ice cream. We have been there a few times but I think it would be fun to take Davis during the day when he’s not at child care, or on the weekends for a play date! The Splash Pad is a great place to take kids in the summer and it’s free for children under 2 years old (and only $2 otherwise). It’s a huge water play area outdoors; I used to go there with the kids I babysat for, and we would have a blast. I know Davis would love it! We’re going to the beach this summer with my family, but I would also love to go for a weekend together with just Andrew and Davis, too! And with my girlfriends! Honestly, any chance I can get to go to the beach, I’m there! Davis has never been to the zoo, so I’d love for us to do a day trip for that, too. I should add the aquarium! Dang it.

davis back in his man bun days, the first time we went to the scoop for ice cream

For myself, I’d love to get a facial from my friend Lindsey who wrote this guest post about skincare. I love to be pampered but usually don’t book many appointments, because $$$. But I’m putting it on my summer bucket list so it has to happen! I also have been seriously considering starting a small business and I am looking into the details of applying for the LLC and all the logistics. I will share more if anything comes of it 🙂 Finally, I really want to go on a few dates with my mans. Andrew and I have never been huge “date night” people, but we always did everything together before having a baby, and now we hardly ever get away together by ourselves for even a meal. Our anniversary is July 22, so hopefully we can at least do something for that, right?! Haha! But I would love to plan a few easy things we can do and find someone to watch Davis for us.

truly the last time i think andrew and i had a date…to our friends’ wedding in NOVEMBER

Whether you’re working or not, I think a summer bucket list is such a great way to hold yourself to some fun and productive goals! I am already thinking of a bucket list for fall, because I am a nerd and I love fall weather and vibes more than anything. Picnics, hikes, taking Davis to the pumpkin patch……okay, okay, let’s get through this season first. What’s on your summer bucket list?

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